Why subscribe?
Goddamned good question. Let me phrase it mildly: this is just the tip. And I’m not talking about icebergs.
Plus, it’d be a lot cooler if you did.
So do.
Come on… do it.
All the cool kids are.
Swear.
Pfft… fine. Have it your way.
Stay up-to-date
You ever date someone that feels the need to update you on their progress throughout the day? Regardless of how mundane and uninteresting their tasks may be? Well, you are in luck…
Ha! Just kidding.
But lets be real, only an asshole would turn down free lessons in the lost art of being fucking excellent at everything.
Don’t be that guy. Or girl…
Don’t be that asshole.
Also, there will be kittens. Possibly a puppy.
Fun stuff.
Believe you, me.
Moving right along…
Join the crew
Get awesome street cred!
Comes with the complete package. You know, the kind with the face-tats and grand larceny charges.
Real wholesome stuff.
Bring the kids.
Or, feeling a little dissatisfied with the mundane nature of your pathetic existence?
Well cheer up, pussy and why not relax those sphincter muscles a hair honing your Casino-gaming skills by watching an inebriated dickhead do everything you’re not supposed to do. And look sexy as hell while doing so, I just might add.
Or, if you’re not really a fan of petulant man-children who drink too much, or perhaps you just prefer a less douchey approach to your relaxation process, try learning some of Frank’s helpful tips for improving your arts and crafts skills, while also cataloging the ins & outs of controlled demolition.
Still not sold?
That’s fair. I can respect that. We can’t all have excellent taste. We part ways as friends, and I wish you well. But before you go, just remember this if nothing else…
…it certainly never hurts to polish up on your men’s fashion trends, and possibly learn a new appreciation for the many merits of pressing one’s shirt.
Just saying.
Dropping panties since 1882.
If you’re still with me, buckle up Buttercup…
Get ready to spend your Tuesdays with Dr. Rivers and the gang, as they paint the town red and slay the poon dead.
To find out more about the company that provides the tech for this newsletter, visit Substack.com.
